You are invited to share, in writing, accounts involving neglect and abuse of nursing home residents. As a community service, we will be happy to consider posting what you share. Your identity can remain partially or completely anonymous. Partial anonymity means that you would allow your initials to be used to identify yourself. Complete anonymity means that you would be identified simply as “Anonymous” or “Name Withheld”. Partial or complete anonymity: the choice is yours.
For many reasons, including legal liability concerns, we will not publish the name of the nursing home(s) referenced in your story. This is not being done to protect the nursing home in question. If you don’t want to pay for the blog owners legal expenses, then you shouldn’t be attempting to post content that would cause him to be sued. 
Since the owner of this blog is not capable of enforcing nursing home regulations or rendering legal advice, publicly identifying the name of a nursing home you’ve had problems should not be seen as a way to remedy your concerns. We would however be happy to refer you to government agencies and/or attorneys if you are looking for justice through the legal system.
Please remember that we don’t have a “magic wand” to fix any or all of the problems you are experiencing with the nursing home industry. We are glad to listen to your concerns and make suggestions based on our own experience, but please do not expect us to “fix” problems that are beyond our control.
Sharing your story can certainly be healing — both for yourself and others who very well may have witnessed the same outrageous situations that you have encountered. Many of us wondered if only our loved one had experienced such horror. As family members, friends, nursing home employees and others find the courage to share their story with others, we become catalysts for nursing home reform and we experience community with others who have experienced our frustration.
One thing is for sure: the nursing home industry will never get better unless more of us publicly speak (and write) the truth about situations that otherwise go unreported! Together we can bring about positive changes that will create positive changes for future generations of nursing home residents.
Who may contribute content to this blog? Certainly nursing home residents themselves are welcome to share, as many of them have Internet access. Family members and friends of nursing home residents as well as nursing home employees are also invited to contribute their stories.
Please send your written account(s) of nursing home abuse and neglect to flamboyantbohemian _AT_gmail.com (be sure to replace the “_AT_” with “@”) and type Nursing Home Reality in the subject line of your message. You may also share your story by clicking on the “Comment” link listed at the bottom of all journal entries.
15 comments
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February 26, 2008 at 5:34 pm
L.D.
THIS PAST SUNDAY WHEN I VISITED MY SISTER AT THE NURSING HOME SHE IS IN, AT 11:20 WHEN I ARRIVED THE HOUSEKEEPING/LAUNDRY SUPERVISOR WAS SITTING IN A CHAIR IN THE TV ROOM PLAYING THE WII GAME THAT HAD BEEN BOUGHT FOR THE RESIDENTS USE. AT 12:30 HE WAS STILL IN THE CHAIR. I HEARD LATER THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MOPPING THE FLOOR. WHEN WE WENT TO GIVE OUR SISTER A SHOWER, WHICH WE DO TWICE A WEEK, THERE WERE NO CLEAN WASH CLOTHS. AN AIDE TOLD US THEY HAD BEEN TOLD THEY HAD USED THEIR ALLOTED AMOUNT FOR THE DAY AND COULDN’T HAVE ANY MORE CLEAN ONES UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING. AND THAT WHEN RESIDENTS GOT THEIR SUPPER TRAYS, THE ONLY SILVERWARE IN THE NAPKINS WAS A FORK AND A STRAW. THE SAD THING IS THE RESIDENTS HAD SOUP FOR SUPPER. STAFF HAD TO FIND PLASTIC SPOONS FOR THE RESIDENTS TO EAT WITH. WOULDN’T THE TIME OF THE HOUSEKEEPING SUPERVISOR BEEN BETTER SPENT WASHING LAUNDRY INSTEAD OF PLAYING WITH THE WII?
February 27, 2008 at 1:39 am
S.R.
I think the respect that elders get in nursing homes is a sad reflection on our Country. There is no respect for anyone anymore.
Who cares that someone 85-90 or older lays in bed with no water, dirty clothes, no attention, no affection for hours and hours at a time. The little attention they are given is someone shoving food down them as fast as they possibly can because they are short of staff and too many elderly that need to be fed.
No one to do dental care – that takes too long.
No one to fix their hair – that takes too long.
Barely time to throw a little water over them in the shower sometimes cold and no time to rinse them well. And the administration of Nursing Homes has the nerve to say they are well staffed. The nursing home where my father just passed away in and my mother still remains, had
a total of 2 CNA’S for a third shift to take care of over 70 patients. No Nurses. Is that sufficient care. Even when they are well staffed by their standards, the care of the people is so substandard, we treat our pets much better than these people get. I guarantee you can go into any Kennel in Kentucky and find the animals getting more attention and care than our loved ones get in a Nursing Home. What a sad world we live in when an Administration can go home and sleep at night knowing the patients are not being cared for sufficiently. They really need to put themselves in the patients place and see if then they would feel they get satisfactory care.
February 27, 2008 at 1:44 am
L.D.
SAME NURSING HOME, DIFFERENT DAY
ON OCT 1, 07 MY SISTER’S FACILITY IMPLEMENTED A NEW SMOKING POLICY. ALL RESIDENTS SMOKING MATERIALS WERE TO BE KEPT IN A BOX AND KEPT IN A LOCKED MED ROOM UNTIL THE SCHEDULED TIMES THE RESIDENTS COULD BE TAKEN OUT TO SMOKE. THESE TIMES ARE POSTED AND SUPPOSED TO BE ANNOUNCED BEFORE TIME SO THE RESIDENTS CAN GET THEMSELVES TO THE AREA WITH THE ONES NEEDING ASSISTANCE TO BE TAKEN TO THE ARE. KEY STAFF PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO ASSIST EACH SMOKE SESSION. WHEN THE POLICY WAS FIRST ANNOUNCED I TALKED WITH ADMINISTRATION ABOUT HOW THIS WOULD WORK SINCE THEY DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CNA’S TO DO THE WORK THEY WERE ALREADY ASSIGNED. THEY ASSURED ME THAT THERE WOULD BE ENOUGH KEY PEOPLE TO SUPERVISE IT.
THIS PAST SAT NIGHT THE AID ASSIGNED TO SUPERVISE THE SMOKE SESSION HAD NEVER DONE IT BEFORE. SHE IS A NON-SMOKER AND HAD NEVER BEEN OUT THERE WHEN THERE WAS A SMOKE SESSION. MOST OF THE RESIDENTS ARE IN WHEEL CHAIRS AND IT IS A SMALL PATIO AREA SO IT REALLY GETS CONGESTED. BUT IT IS OUT OF THE WAY AND NOT USUALLY SEEN BY VISITORS. USUALLY THE ONE SUPERVISING THE SESSION HANDS OUT EACH PERSON’S CIGARETTES AND THEN LIGHTS THEM.
THE NEW CNA DID NOT KNOW MOST OF THE RESIDENTS NAMES SO HAD A HARD TIME GETTING EVERYBODY’S SMOKING MATERIALS DISTRIBUTED. THEN SHE HAD NO LIGHTER TO LIGHT THEM WITH. SHE STOOD AT THE DOOR AND CALLED OUT NAMES FOR THEM TO COME TO HER TO GET THEIR CIGARETTES AND NEEDED TO BORROW A LIGHTER TO LIGHT THE CIGARETTES. IT WAS VERY HARD FOR THE RESIDENTS TO MOVE THEIR CHAIRS THROUGH THE CONGESTION TO THE DOOR TO GET THEIR CIGARETTES BUT THEY TRIED HARD. THE CNA SPENT THE WHOLE TIME COMPLAINING THAT SHE DIDN’T SEE WHY SHE HAD TO SUPERVISE SMOKERS WHEN SHE DIDN’T EVEN SMOKE AND WAS VERY RUDE TO THE RESIDENTS. I FINALLY ASKED HER NOT TO TALK TO THE RESIDENTS LIKE THAT. SHE ASKED “LIKE WHAT” AND I TOLD HER RUDELY. SHE DID TELL ME LATER THAT SHE HAD APOLOGIZED TO THE ONE PERSON SHE SPOKE MOST RUDELY TO.
April 18, 2008 at 6:14 pm
w.h.
My world has been rocked by the nursing home reality.
Both of my parents were nursing home residents last year. My father passed away last fall. My mother is still at the same facility. Since last fall, my mother has experienced several infections which did not receive prompt attention from staff and she has been a victim of verbal and physical abuse as well.
I have been asked why I did not move her to another facility. My response is that the facilities are very similar in how that any situation is handled. My only alternative would be to move her out of the long term care environment.
February 3, 2009 at 6:23 pm
L. D.
First of all, let me say that I do know there are some good nurses and cna’s working at the facility where my sister has resided for the last 2 1/2 yrs. But i do know there are not enough of them.
It amazes me that if a family member voices a concern some of the first responses are “If you don’t like how we are taking care of your sister, take her home. You don’t know what it is like to take care of over 100 disabled people.” They are right about that but I do know the regulations and resident rights that say how they are to be taken care of. And I do know if these residents weren’t there they would not have a job.
I guess most of them don’t know what a heart-wrenching decision it is to have to put a loved one who has always lived at home into a nursing home. Pray God they never do!
Our sister went into a local nursing home with results from undiagnosed, untreated diabetes. Because of diabetic ulcers on her feet she had a fresh amputation. She has been disabled all her life diagnosed with legal blindness and MR. Therefore she cannot be by herself. It is not safe.
For the first 3 days of her stay, she did not have access to water. Then another family member brought her in one so she could get a drink of water when she needed it. Because she could not take herself to the bathroom and there was not enough staff working to help her, or they didn’t “hear” her when she asked to go, she would pray every night that she wouldn’t wet her bed and have to lay in it til morning. After trying for 3 months to fix it for her we finally insisted, against therapy’s advice, that she have a bedside commode. Then she was no longer “incontinent” and graduated to panties instead of the diapers. When she was given 2 insulin shots to get the prescribed dosage because the syringes they used did not hold more that 50 units and she hates shots we took her to the dr ourselves and got her insulin changed so that she could get one shot instead of two. When the cna’s gave her a shower and had the water too hot and then too cold we started giving her her showers. We do her laundry and lay out her clean clothes for the next day because the complain of lost clothes and the smell of them after they are washed. When her glucose levels went up with the food they were serving we had a meeting with the dietician and got her meal plan changed to bring her AIC down. When the nurses could not schedule her dr appts right, we started making her dr appts and taking her ourselves. When it became obvious that the nurses would not do her wound treatments we got the dr to show us how and started doing that ourselves.
We organized a family council and advocate for out sister and the other residents, some of whom we have known all our lives and some we have come to know and love during our daily visits the last 2 1/2 yrs. We have been told to “take her home”, shut up, quit b**ching, and on topix.com even that one of the administration staff just wants to walk up and shap the sh*t out of us.
We are not going anywhere since this is a close facility for us to visit daily. And how could we leave these other residents that we have come to love.
May 5, 2009 at 9:43 am
Name Withheld
Amen!!!!!
March 18, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Anonymous
I, too, have been rocked by the stark world that is nursing home care.
As a new hire at our nursing home, I was excited to be able to enter into caregiving for the people that need it most, our elderly citizens. The prospect of becoming a Certified Nurse Aid while I am working seemed a nice benefit, as I always wanted to go into nursing. As a mother of 3, i chose to work the night shift so I could be there for my kids, and at the same time, offer my best to my job.
I have No Training yet, aside from the training I have given myself through reasearch and hands on. I followed a couple of aids around for a few days, only one of those aids was actually certified.
I have spent a total of 4 days in training for corporate understanding, which is travelling to another town to hear about how great this company is, then going home to work a night shift.
I had 2 nights of “supervised” work, which meant that depending on who I was supervised by, I was either on my own or frantically looking for someone that knew what to do. However, I have been walking around in the same scrubs that certified aids where, and when a resident sees me, they think help has arrived. I quickly learned to give up on finding them someone else and just help them any way I could.
Last night was my 5th night on the job. I was alone. One nurse stayed at the nursing station, couldn’t deign to help me even when I had to resort to taking vitals manually, as our system went down. I only know how to do it myself because I trained myself, as I said, I wanted to be a nurse. Had I been some kid off the street, I would not have been able to do it.
I spent the night trying to get her to help me with a resident that was screaming and pulling at her catheter, only to find that the nurses “help” was to go into the room and tell the resident, shame on you!
I was assaulted by a resident who is known to be very violent: known to everyone but me, he nearly broke my fingers, me smeared feces all over his bed as I tried to clean him, forced himself to urinate and aimed it at me all while clawing me and cussing, a vice grip held on my hand, and I didn’t dare try to pry his fingers off for fear of breaking them!
When I went to the nurse, I was told, yeah, he’s drawn blood on me,
okay…I explained everything, and I was chewed out for his sheets being wet, hello? He urinated all over everything! I told you that of course they are wet!
I literally ran up and down the halls, trying to help everyone, trying in earnest to turn everyone every 2 hours, change everyone when soiled, strip and make beds with people still in them, lift and transfer residents alone, and dress them all starting at 3:30 am to be gotten out of bed no later than 5 am. I tried to report on several cases of diarreah, thought it might be relevent since they just took one resident off of isolation for C-diff, (that resident went to the Er 3 nights later with signs of sepsis, that too was on my watch)
tried to inform nurse of resident who had med change could no loger transport themselves to bathroom, and was vomiting with diarrea,and was told stop taking so long in there.
resident on hospice needed bed bath,
I gave it, hour later, thought he may have been going, since he was panting and grunting, went in, he took my hand, wouldn’t let go.
Told nurse, “That’s because you messed with him”, she said.
this is all tip of iceberg.
I thought I wanted to be a nurse, I have a good head for medicine, and a big heart.
Now I think that that may be why I cannot go into this field,
I will fight tooth and nail before admitting my mother to a nursing home,
I know there are times it is needed, but people need it so they can get BETTER care, not so they can be institutionalized, ignored, treated like a piece of meat that has the gall to want it’s butt clean.
These residents don’t need much, but what they need is so important, why could we not just have a couple more aides, I get minimum wage for crying out loud!
I want to quit, and yet, who else will do this?
May 5, 2009 at 1:43 am
name withheld
I am a nursing home worker. I have been a CNA for 23 years. I have a lot to say.
I currently work at a nursing home in Kentucky. There are no minimum requirements on staffing in my state. Yesterday I had 30 patients by myself. On a good day, I have about 18. I have complained to management, but their excuse is always the same….”acuity”. Never mind that the biggest majority of my patients do not walk. Never mind that a few of them take over an hour to bathe.
Families come in, complain at us, and about us, but never complain in an effective way. We are doing with 30 people what they can’t do with one.
As long as the work gets done, these homes do not care how that happens. I can tell you right now that in my 23 years, I have never seen a CNA intentionally abuse a patient. As a matter of fact, the CNA’s that I have known love these poor forgotten folks, but are “technically” guilty of abuse because they are rushed beyond all comprehension, and expected everyday to do the impossible.
When nursing home formulate their staffing, they count nurses in the building that do NOTHING, such as managers, people that do staffing, nurses that only do filing, etc. That cuts the number of actual CNA caregivers on the floor. Did you know that?
May 7, 2010 at 5:00 am
M. L.
Understood and appreciated. I think a lot of people realize how tough being on the inside must be for people who actually care.
December 31, 2009 at 5:12 am
Donna
My mom passed away in a nursing home in Colorado on Oct 13, 2008. I miss her dearly. My moms story is like most on this website and I just want to say that this torture and neglect is going to continue until the corporate greed is halted. In order to hold these corporations responsible for hiring undertrained and underpaid caregivers in understaffed Nursing Facilities we as middle class people have to come up with the money to seek legal help. Unfortunately in my experience even when an attorney says “contingency” you still will have expenses. The rich don’t have their loved ones in these hell holes so don’t experience these acts. If they did they could afford to bring justice. It is a no win situation. I want to say the aides that cared for my mom were incredible but how can one or two aides care for 35 plus people with dignity and completeness? They can’t. Shame on these Corporations.
February 12, 2010 at 7:11 am
Anonymous in Louisville, KY
I’m very excited to see this blog.
I have mixed emotions with the nursing home care my mother has received over the last year and a half. My mother is a very young resident at a facility here in Louisville. At a tender age of 65, this is her second facility. The first one was a “chain” and appeared to be everything I could ask for. She went in as a PC (personal care) patient in which she could basically care for her day to day needs, the aides assisted with bathing and getting around. Soon after arriving there they decided she was a fall risk and confined her to a wheel chair. I agreed with this as part of the reason for placing her in their care was because she was falling at home and didn’t have full time supervision. I was told she would have “therapy” to help her with various tasks and she did for a while. Within three months my mother was having surgery on her gallbladder and ended up in ICU with pneumonia (something she is very prone to getting).
Upon her return to the first nursing home, I was told she couldn’t return to the PC Wing but required more “skilled” care. That was the biggest joke ever. My mother was not cared for at all in the other wing. The facility wasn’t close to my house but I made sure I did her laundry and saw her at least 3 times a week. There were times that she had not been changed and for ease on the staff, they had her in a hospital gown 90% of the time. I immediately became dissatisfied and moved her to a smaller, closer, more quaint facility which I thought was a blessing from God. Mom has been in this facility for just about a year now and I’m getting the wake up call of what it means to have a family member in a nursing home.
About six months ago, my mother began lashing out at the nurses and aides, this is after having colonoscopy and endoscopy procedures. Instead of trying to figure out what was going on, they immediately assumed it was dementia and ordered a mood altering medication that when injected will subdue the patient immediately. I had no idea what was going on and was asking questions but was informed this was necessary. I started researching the medications and asking to speak to the “House Doctor” who is assigned to my mother’s case. Ironically, it’s not the doctor who sees or orders the medications, but rather a nurse practitioner that works for the doctor of which both are not on site.
I refused to take this as my mother was completely incoherent and lethargic. So I asked that she have all medications evaluated. They sent her out to a local geriatric psychiatric unit for the elderly. She spent eight days there and it was the saddest time of my life to have to see her go through that. The help there would not explain anything other than she had a strong UTI strain that was not responding to antibiotics and dementia. They did get her regulated and sent her back to the facility. She was a new person, however she had that same UTI for over two months. I blame the lack of frequent restroom trips, use of Depends undergarments and her being on thickened liquids (she is a stroke victim who tends to aspirate) for the frequent UTIs, etc.
I was out of town last week and upon my return, my mother was again in a less than coherent state this week. I started asking questions and found that the staff once again had given her a tranquilizer because she was yelling out. I witnessed her doing this and began thinking back to the last time this happened.
Last night, I arrived and she was slumped over in her wheel chair at the nurses station. She was “passed out” but was chewing? I tried to arouse her and asked what she was chewing in which she replied chicken. I noticed she had swelling in her hands, face, and legs. I immediatley summoned the LPN to check her oxygen level, which was 90% room air (not good) and demanded they do a chest xray on her as I thought she may be getting pneumonia, asked that her mouth be cleaned out as she was not coherent enough to have food in there and she would surely aspirate.
I was told by the LPN that she hasn’t been coughing which my mother has COPD, mild asthma and really doesn’t have a productive cough. They did a urine culture on her and she does have another UTI, imagine that! Still waiting for the chest x-ray, but at least tonight she was more alert.
My experience has been you have to be very proactive in their care. I ask all the time to see her chart and make them go through it with me. I also have never been stopped from taking her to the restroom, putting her in bed, changing her or feeding her and the day they do try and stop me is the day I remove her from their care.
This facility has a lot of good CNA’s, some not so good. LPNs – some I really like, others I think are throw backs that can’t get a good nursing job and that scares me. Have yet to see an RN there but I’ve been told they have one.
May 7, 2010 at 5:06 am
M. L.
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how frustrating and draining the whole system must be for you.
February 22, 2010 at 10:25 pm
"R." in New Jersey
2.22.2010 I have my Mother in a nursing home in New Jersey and am disgusted to say the least. My Mother has advanced vascular dementia. I am an only child and my Mother is a single 83 year old woman. After about 6 1/2 years of caring for her alone I finally could not go on as I was continuously getting sick myself and I am not a sickly person. My Mother could be extremely combative and handling her alone day after day just became too much. I am not happy at all that I had to place her in a home, but I constantly monitor and control her care. In March of 2008 I put her in the first home and even though I was there constantly and was continuously fighting with them as my Mother needed more supervision when I was not there, after two months my Mother fell and broke her hip and broke it quite severely . I had applications in at other homes and of course, the wait is long, at least in our area, to get someone into a nursing home. Before I could get her out of the first nursing home, again, while not being supervised properly she fell and ended up having hip surgery within hours. Because of the advanced stage of her dementia rehab did not have much effect and she remains in a wheel chair. The brain will not accept that she is or I should say was capable of walking. At present so much atrophy has occurred that she is not strong enough to stand on her own let alone walk. I am constantly fighting with nursing home #2 where she has been since 6/11/2008. I am there every day, every other day and once in a while skip two-three days, however, if I am not able to go on a given day I am on the phone periodically throughout the day.
I have an excellent re-pour with my CNAs as well as nurses and they speak freely to me. The Administrator of this facility has told the CNAs that they are not permitted to speak to me. He is apparently nervous that they give me too much information that the facility would like to keep private. I do not feel that he has the right to do this as I am not only the daughter I am the POA and feel that I have a right to speak directly and privately to any person who touches my Mother. The CNAs feel that they have a right to speak to me or anyone that they wish to. They feel that their rights of free speech are being violated. The Administrator on several occasions has asked me why don’t I move my Mother to another facility. We are very limited in my area as to choices and frankly, I feel that they should do the job that they advertise to do. Instead of them dealing with the problems their solution is that they would rather the patient go elsewhere. Why should my Mother and I be inconvenienced because they don’t want to do their job and what they advertise to do. I have some excellent nurses and CNAs, therefore, why should I start all over somewhere else with all new people. To tell you the truth, since I have now experienced two facilities regarding my Mother, I don’t think I would find any or much difference at another facility. My Mother’s brother, my Uncle, who had never married and I was like a daughter to him also had vascular dementia. I finally put him in a Veteran’s home in South New Jersey where he honestly for the most part had good care. I was very involved there as well. Had my Mother qualified to go to this Veteran’s home I would have placed her there, but that was not to be. Has anyone who is reading this statement had these problems? I have had my attorney send letters of complaint to this corporation’s legal department, certified mail, but they feel that they need not reply. I will see my attorney again next week to deal with the speech issue as well as other issues, but in the meantime if anyone has dealt with any of these issues would you kindly respond. Any comments would be appreciated.
April 4, 2010 at 8:25 am
M.R.
Your problem is common I believe. The CNA sometimes is prohibited from giving information that would be considered medical. You may have to speak to a licensed or a registered nurse. The CNA is sometimes allowed to tell you things like how much lunch your mom ate or how many times she went to the bathroom, things like that…You can ask for a copy of her chart. You can find out how much it will cost if anything. You can ask for a meeting with the director of nursing or a social worker. Ask your attorney.
As far as I know, a facility can limit who provides you with information concerning care given to your mom and what information is given by different individuals employed there. Your attorney should be able to explain it better and so should the administrator. The CNAs might even get in trouble if they provide you some kinds of information if it is against policy where they work or against the laws there. You might have a right to know but the facility and the laws will determine how you get what information. Yes, lots of folks have gone through what you are experiencing.
July 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
M. D.
For the past two days, the nursing home my mother is in have turned off the air conditioning from 1:00pm to 5:00pm. I have called the power authority and they deny any brown outs or limits of power. I have contacted my nursing home (long-term care) ombudsman, Sssemblyman, and filed a complaint with the Department of Health. I got them to turn on the air at 3:00pm yesterday! I am disgusted with the system. I’m trying to move my mother to a non-profit state nursing home…I feel such rage. I cannot sleep. I wish I could get some help here.